I wanna take it all back. I wanna undo everything I did to you, everything awful thing I said. I wanna go back to where we were so badly, before all of this happened.
Lup goes silent on her end, panic welling up her throat, crushingly tight in her chest, constricting in a way she doesn’t normally feel unless she’s coming out of a nightmare or in a space just small enough to send her into a panic. She inhales, quick and shakey, fingers curling against her phone.
What is he even saying? They can’t go back to how things were? Why not? None of this was their fault. What does that mean for them? Is he throwing away their sixty years together? Isn’t she worth fighting back against the shitty gods who tried to destroy them?
Lup’s eyes squeeze shut against the panic that suddenly crashes over her in waves, her skinny frame trembling from where she’s sitting up in his bed, where the smell of him still lingers in the linens.
[God, he wishes he could go back to the way things were. He wishes he could pack his things and go home to her, to slip right back into place by her side like that awful week never happened. They could try to ease back into their same old routine, cherish every day together rather than dwelling in the past.
But he can't. Not when the house they shared was made into a battleground. Not when every single room in their house is tainted by the memory of them screaming at each other, getting physical, goading each other into harsh, unloving sex.
Not when the memory of Lup's beautiful face twisted with fear still haunts him.]
I love you, Lup. More than anything.
But I can't pretend like what I did never happened. I can't just go back. Lup I'm scared I won't be able to look at you without being reminded. I'm scared you're gonna look at me and hate me for what I've done.
But I can't live without you, Lup. I want to start over. Take it slowly.
[Lup doesn't even realize she's crying until her tears hit the screen of her phone, the device shaking just barely in her hands.
Barry's just too damn honest in his reply, his fears striking a chord within the woman, every word across the screen seemingly leading to a break up, a parting, even more time apart. She doesn't know! Just something bad. The kind of heartbreak she wouldn't be able to stand. But somehow his words end with more hope than hurt, sweet mentions of love and a gentle offer that just leave Lup a sobbing mess there on his bed, the woman dropping backwards onto the mattress and wrenching the blankets up over her head.
She scrubs at her face with one hand while typing out her reply, all while hidden.]
[Look at them. The two of them, weeping over their phones in separate beds on opposite ends of the city. Barry's shaking all over, curled up on his side as he stares at the screen, crying, waiting for Lup's response. He's terrified he's blown his chance completely. He's out of his mind worrying about her, about them, about where they're going. If there's even a they anymore.
She writes back, and he has to cover his mouth to muffle the loud, relieved sob that escapes him. If not for the painful crying, it would feel like he's dreaming.]
Me neither. Never.
I love you so much, Lup. I'm so so sorry. I'm gonna spend every day proving that to you.
[Ridiculous to the extreme. It takes Lup a moment to compose herself after reading his returning text. (That I love you so much, Lup hits her so hard, she'll likely be reading his words over and over again across the next few days.) But eventually she manages to get a hold on her tears, sniffling loudly from her hiding spot beneath the blankets.]
i love you too bar miss you miss you so much
[She has her own apologies to make, but the words just don't come right over text. She needs to see him first.]
[God, reading that feels good. Just seeing the words i love you displayed on his screen makes Barry's heart flutter tenderly, almost painfully in his chest, his stomach doing flips. Just like all those centuries ago. Back when they went past that boundary of professional friendship and became something more.
Reading the words now is the same as hearing her say it to him that very first time. Joyous and momentous and breathtaking.]
Yes, god, please. I want to see you too. So badly.
Maybe we could go for a walk somewhere quiet. Somewhere beautiful. Just sit and talk for a while.
[It seems ridiculous, smiling down at her phone in the dark, waiting with desperate anticipation for his every response, but the feeling tingles down her spine, out to where here fingers are curled. There's something light and freeing within her chest, like just speaking with Barry again after so long unlocked some important part of her that's been hidden away the last three weeks.
But this is good. She'll take this promise.]
god yes yes to all of it need to see your dumb face miss it miss you
ill give you a heads up when were back and we can take it from there?
[she just wants to get the image of how she last saw him out of her mind, to replace it with something so much better, something she can hold on to.]
where are you? i wont come banging down the door or anything promise i just
just wanna make sure youre set up somewhere safe need anything before we go? shit from home? meals? your fav type of cookies? just say the word and cha girl will hook you up
[The word permanent certainly strikes up old anxieties quick within the woman, but Barry immediately negates them, her ears drooping down low beneath the blankets, a soft, relieved sigh spilling from her lips.
Temporary because he's going to come home. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but he wants to come back here, to his room, to his family. To her. That's all that matters.]
alright hes not much of a cook either so you two being together doesnt inspire a lot of confidence ill drop some stuff off
[maybe she should finish packing or get a full four hours of meditation in, but this feels so much more important. she wants to do this for him. to start making up for everything else she'd done wrong before.]
a shirt? yeah sure no problem needing a cute crop top for the hot weather bluejeans?
Hey! You're saying that like I learned nothing from you two over a hundred years. Come on, Lup, cut me a break.
[She's right, of course. Barry can make your basic soups and stews and a mean cup of hot chocolate, but anything more complicated than chopping veggies or stirring the contents of a pot is just a non-starter. Want too much salt? Or none at all? Chef Barry is here to fulfill your needs.]
Yes, to go with my booty shorts.
I just. It sounds weird and creepy but. I miss the way you smell. Can't sleep without it.
so what youre saying is youve been eating like a king since you left? caaaaaause p sure we both know thats not true bar
[They've never fought anywhere close to this level before, but Lup knows how Barry retreats within himself whenever they've bickered in the past, how he tries to make himself small enough to be forgotten. She knows him too well to believe he's been taking care of himself at all. (Not that she's one to talk, but this isn't about her for once.)]
just lemme do this k?
[Considering she's been sleeping in his bed the last week, wrapping herself up on his side of the mattress, burying her face into his pillow every night, Barry's admission still comes as a surprise. Lup feels her face heat up, her heart fluttering, something warm and soft flooding through her.]
guess were both creeps then ill bring over a few you need some variety
[Oh, how right she is. If she could see him right now, she'd be stunned at how poorly he's taken care of himself since he left. He's lost weight. His usual close shave has become an occasional luxury, his face dark with a permanent shadow of facial hair. His back and neck hurt from sleeping on the floor for days at a time, and the little sleep he gets clearly isn't enough, if the dark circles under his eyes have something to say about it.
He's a mess without her. He hasn't always been. But after Lup became a part of his life... he's realized how much better she makes him. And how much worse he is on his own.]
Okay, I will. Thank you, Lup. I've missed some real cooking.
[She does it too..? Barry feels his whole body go all light and warm at her admission. The thought of her missing him so much she goes into his room, into the bed they shared, just to feel close to him fills him with hope. They can work through this. Together.]
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no subject
I wanna take it all back.
I wanna undo everything I did to you, everything awful thing I said.
I wanna go back to where we were so badly, before all of this happened.
But I don't think I can.
I want to make it right.
I want to start over.
no subject
Lup goes silent on her end, panic welling up her throat, crushingly tight in her chest, constricting in a way she doesn’t normally feel unless she’s coming out of a nightmare or in a space just small enough to send her into a panic. She inhales, quick and shakey, fingers curling against her phone.
What is he even saying? They can’t go back to how things were? Why not? None of this was their fault. What does that mean for them? Is he throwing away their sixty years together? Isn’t she worth fighting back against the shitty gods who tried to destroy them?
Lup’s eyes squeeze shut against the panic that suddenly crashes over her in waves, her skinny frame trembling from where she’s sitting up in his bed, where the smell of him still lingers in the linens.
Her reply comes moments later.]
what do u mean??
no subject
But he can't. Not when the house they shared was made into a battleground. Not when every single room in their house is tainted by the memory of them screaming at each other, getting physical, goading each other into harsh, unloving sex.
Not when the memory of Lup's beautiful face twisted with fear still haunts him.]
I love you, Lup.
More than anything.
But I can't pretend like what I did never happened.
I can't just go back.
Lup I'm scared I won't be able to look at you without being reminded.
I'm scared you're gonna look at me and hate me for what I've done.
But I can't live without you, Lup.
I want to start over.
Take it slowly.
If you'll have me.
no subject
Barry's just too damn honest in his reply, his fears striking a chord within the woman, every word across the screen seemingly leading to a break up, a parting, even more time apart. She doesn't know! Just something bad. The kind of heartbreak she wouldn't be able to stand. But somehow his words end with more hope than hurt, sweet mentions of love and a gentle offer that just leave Lup a sobbing mess there on his bed, the woman dropping backwards onto the mattress and wrenching the blankets up over her head.
She scrubs at her face with one hand while typing out her reply, all while hidden.]
duh you nerd
i cant believe you even have to ask
im not giving up on us
no subject
She writes back, and he has to cover his mouth to muffle the loud, relieved sob that escapes him. If not for the painful crying, it would feel like he's dreaming.]
Me neither.
Never.
I love you so much, Lup.
I'm so so sorry.
I'm gonna spend every day proving that to you.
no subject
i love you too bar
miss you
miss you so much
[She has her own apologies to make, but the words just don't come right over text. She needs to see him first.]
i wanna see you
when i get back can we meet up?
no subject
Reading the words now is the same as hearing her say it to him that very first time. Joyous and momentous and breathtaking.]
Yes, god, please.
I want to see you too.
So badly.
Maybe we could go for a walk somewhere quiet.
Somewhere beautiful.
Just sit and talk for a while.
no subject
But this is good. She'll take this promise.]
god yes
yes to all of it
need to see your dumb face
miss it
miss you
ill give you a heads up when were back
and we can take it from there?
no subject
Miss all of you.
Miss you calling me dumb.
[Lup isn't the only one smiling at the phone screen brightening the darkness.]
Yes.
We'll take it from there.
I have so much I need to say to you.
But mostly I just...
I just really want to see you.
no subject
[she just wants to get the image of how she last saw him out of her mind, to replace it with something so much better, something she can hold on to.]
where are you?
i wont come banging down the door or anything
promise
i just
just wanna make sure youre set up somewhere safe
need anything before we go?
shit from home? meals?
your fav type of cookies?
just say the word and cha girl will hook you up
no subject
You're so amazing. So sweet.
You really don't have to.
I've been at the lab.
Won't be here much longer though.
[Should he tell her? She'd appreciate hearing it, probably...]
Atem came by.
He's between homes right now too.
We're going to be looking for somewhere more permanent to stay together.
Temporarily, of course.
If you have one to spare... could you bring one of your t-shirts?
no subject
Temporary because he's going to come home. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but he wants to come back here, to his room, to his family. To her. That's all that matters.]
alright
hes not much of a cook either so you two being together doesnt inspire a lot of confidence
ill drop some stuff off
[maybe she should finish packing or get a full four hours of meditation in, but this feels so much more important. she wants to do this for him. to start making up for everything else she'd done wrong before.]
a shirt?
yeah sure no problem
needing a cute crop top for the hot weather bluejeans?
no subject
You're saying that like I learned nothing from you two over a hundred years.
Come on, Lup, cut me a break.
[She's right, of course. Barry can make your basic soups and stews and a mean cup of hot chocolate, but anything more complicated than chopping veggies or stirring the contents of a pot is just a non-starter. Want too much salt? Or none at all? Chef Barry is here to fulfill your needs.]
Yes, to go with my booty shorts.
I just.
It sounds weird and creepy but.
I miss the way you smell.
Can't sleep without it.
no subject
caaaaaause p sure we both know thats not true bar
[They've never fought anywhere close to this level before, but Lup knows how Barry retreats within himself whenever they've bickered in the past, how he tries to make himself small enough to be forgotten. She knows him too well to believe he's been taking care of himself at all. (Not that she's one to talk, but this isn't about her for once.)]
just lemme do this k?
[Considering she's been sleeping in his bed the last week, wrapping herself up on his side of the mattress, burying her face into his pillow every night, Barry's admission still comes as a surprise. Lup feels her face heat up, her heart fluttering, something warm and soft flooding through her.]
guess were both creeps then
ill bring over a few
you need some variety
no subject
He's a mess without her. He hasn't always been. But after Lup became a part of his life... he's realized how much better she makes him. And how much worse he is on his own.]
Okay, I will.
Thank you, Lup.
I've missed some real cooking.
[She does it too..? Barry feels his whole body go all light and warm at her admission. The thought of her missing him so much she goes into his room, into the bed they shared, just to feel close to him fills him with hope. They can work through this. Together.]
Thank you so much.
no subject
dont mention it
just take care of yourself while im gone
so we can see each other when i get back
alright?
no subject
I will.
You too.
Stay safe out there, okay?
I love you, Lup.
no subject
i love you too barry