[Lup means to leave it there, to let this back and forth continue, but after stewing in this for so long, it's not too much of a surprise that she can't hold herself back.]
i thought u got it i thought u finally understood
ive been defending u to taako for ages now fucking three years ive been making excuses for u and trying to get him to see it was all out of love but
[ Lup pauses long enough that Lucretia's already started typing a reply to her first message. She knows she's not stupid, she would never suggest otherwise. She's not even saying Lup's wrong, just that she's still struggling to figure it out. They can both agree that this is complicated, right? That there's no good option?
But then her phone lights up with a flurry of new pings, Lup's hurt and frustration shining through even through text, and Lucretia stops where she is, heart sinking as she watches the messages roll in.
She's not blind enough to have missed the parallels. It's why she'd been upset and conflicted enough to walk away in the first place. But this... ]
I do get it. Of course I do. I know I fucked up, I know that, Lup, I'm not saying I didn't. But this isn't about that.
[lup's response is immediately, emotional and raw, her thoughts spilling into text without hesitation, not even attempting to censor herself.]
u took who he was away do u think it was okay????? tell me u arent okay with it please please luce i need to hear u say it tell me u know it was awful tell me u would never do that again
[ It'd be so easy to just promise, to give Lup the reassurance she so desperately craves. She just needs to hear it, one more time, and it would cost Lucretia nothing.
But she's so flabbergasted, so confused and hurt at being confronted this way that all she can do is stare. ]
How could you even ask me that? Haven't I apologized enough? Haven't I beaten myself up enough? How many times do I have to say it, Lup? How long do I have to - fucking flog myself over this?
[ She's resigned herself to Taako. But Lup? Lup had already forgiven her before she could offer a word of apology. This sudden turn is something she had neither anticipated nor prepared for. A loss of trust she can't afford. ]
I thought we were good.
[ Not currently, maybe. But they'd been good. They will be again.
[Lup never wanted to make this into a fight in the first place, not with her best friend, but how else could she possibly react?]
i thought we were all good too but luce
you said youd rather rewrite them after everything thats happened youd really just do it again? you saw what that did to taako how is that the better option
These are people who are - you said it yourself. Murderers. People who want to come after us, to kill children. If we can help them be something else, something better, shouldn't we try? Isn't that better than just killing them?
[for lup, answering this text comes easily. she just has to repeat the important words spoken to her from a dozen years ago.]
sometimes there arent right decisions sometimes theres just decisions
what we did to Faerun it wasnt right it was never right but we made the choice in order to buy time against the hunger and we were able to keep it safe from it until we came up with a better plan it wasnt perfect i still
i had a lot of time to think abt it but at the time it was the only choice we could make doesnt mean it was right tho
[lup cant even believe what shes reading. Maybe if they weren't already fighting she'd be able to handle this better but there's no missing the snarl in her tone even via text.]
news flash your plan didnt fucking work!! just like barry and i fucking told u before we knew what we were talking about lucretia we spent a hundred years studying the goddamn hunger cutting off the bonds between worlds would have killed us all before the relics ever did
[ Lucretia doesn't get angry often, but if she has one sore spot, this is it. ]
You aren't the only one who spent a hundred years studying the Hunger, Lup! I was working on my shield for decades before you even started thinking about yours. And then you wouldn't even listen. No one would listen. You and Barry swooped in and how many people died because of it?
But hey, at least they got to die being who they were. So I guess it's okay, right?
[ That's too mean. It's too much, and she knows it, regretting the words as soon as she hits Send. Lucretia throws her phone down on the table, turning her head away and squeezing her eyes shut. ]
[As to be expected with Lup, the elf always runs hot. Every emotion around her ignites just as quickly and as hotly as the fire she wields - her uproarious laughter, her giddy delight, her blood-boiling fury. It's just to be expected with Lup, a woman who feels things so damn intensely, with such passion, everyone who knows her knows that her anger dies just as swiftly as it rises up, burning hot and bright for all of an hour, but then cooling back down, the conflict already behind her and forgotten.
It's how she's come to forgive so much more easily than her twin. It's how she was able to meet Lucretia after twelve years apart with open arms, not a single hurt held against the other woman.
But this time it's different. Lucretia comes at her with that, with the guilt of the deaths that drove Lup away in the first place, and for once her anger isn't like fire. It's like a chill, numbing down her spine, down her arms and legs, all the way up to the tips of her ears.]
[ She doesn't even know how to react to that. Lucretia just stares at the words, feeling like her world's turned upside down. What does that even mean? ]
[ She's so shocked, she's forgotten all about being angry. At least for the moment. Lucretia just stares, speechless.
She'd never considered there might be another way. She'd always been so certain her plan would work, no matter what everyone else always said. When Lup had revealed that they'd beaten the Hunger, it had only reinforced her belief that she's always been right. About that, at least. And now that's gone, too.
Putting her shield around the Hunger. Isolating the enemy, instead of themselves.
Maybe if she'd shared her idea sooner, instead of working on it alone and in secret for decades. Maybe if they'd all worked together to come up with a plan, rather than just pitting one against the other. ]
I didn't know.
He never
He didn't tell me.
[ It would have been so easy for Taako to throw that in her face, the moment she'd arrived here. You didn't save anything, Lucretia. It was my plan that saved us all.
[it would have been so easy, maybe even justified to throw that in lucretia's face, but even in his hurt, taako has never been one for cruelness. and that would have been terrible.]
[shes not the only one who hates this, but lup's not willing to discuss it more right now. not when she feels so cold, guilt and hurt pushing hard into her chest, lucretia's words searing against her skin.
of course there's truth there. lup knows they fucked up, knows she personally caused the deaths of so many innocent people. but to have that thrown in her face by someone she trusts and loves so completely? she just needs to backtrack a little before she explodes.]
[ The lie is so transparent, she knows she's not even supposed to fall for it. It doesn't matter. It's an excuse, because Lup is done with her, because she doesn't want to talk to her anymore. Lucretia's heart seizes painfully in her chest. This is awful, it's horrible, but being alone is worse. At least Lup is talking to her. When they're not taking awful digs at each other. When they're not making everything worse. She can't even be upset with Lup for bailing on her, not after what she'd said. So she doesn't argue.
It feels cliche and pathetic to go off and crawl back into bed, cry herself right back to sleep mid-morning with all the curtains drawn. But Lucretia's so miserable, she doesn't even care. ]
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2/2
i thought u got it
i thought u finally understood
ive been defending u to taako for ages now
fucking three years ive been
making excuses for u and trying to get him to see it was all out of love but
but u still dont get it
do u
no subject
But then her phone lights up with a flurry of new pings, Lup's hurt and frustration shining through even through text, and Lucretia stops where she is, heart sinking as she watches the messages roll in.
She's not blind enough to have missed the parallels. It's why she'd been upset and conflicted enough to walk away in the first place. But this... ]
I do get it. Of course I do. I know I fucked up, I know that, Lup, I'm not saying I didn't. But this isn't about that.
no subject
u took who he was away
do u think it was okay?????
tell me u arent okay with it
please
please luce
i need to hear u say it
tell me u know it was awful
tell me u would never do that again
no subject
[ It'd be so easy to just promise, to give Lup the reassurance she so desperately craves. She just needs to hear it, one more time, and it would cost Lucretia nothing.
But she's so flabbergasted, so confused and hurt at being confronted this way that all she can do is stare. ]
How could you even ask me that? Haven't I apologized enough? Haven't I beaten myself up enough? How many times do I have to say it, Lup? How long do I have to - fucking flog myself over this?
[ She's resigned herself to Taako. But Lup? Lup had already forgiven her before she could offer a word of apology. This sudden turn is something she had neither anticipated nor prepared for. A loss of trust she can't afford. ]
I thought we were good.
[ Not currently, maybe. But they'd been good. They will be again.
They have to be. ]
no subject
[Lup never wanted to make this into a fight in the first place, not with her best friend, but how else could she possibly react?]
i thought we were all good too but luce
you said youd rather rewrite them
after everything thats happened
youd really just do it again?
you saw what that did to taako
how is that the better option
no subject
These are people who are - you said it yourself. Murderers. People who want to come after us, to kill children. If we can help them be something else, something better, shouldn't we try? Isn't that better than just killing them?
We can't just leave them like they are.
no subject
we cant
[at least they can agree on that]
but
turning them against their will
forcing them to live lives they dont want
its not right
i was trapped for so long
had no fucking control of my own body
but i was me
i was me
i didnt lose that
no subject
Lup...
I don't want to hurt you.
I just wish
I don't know what the right answer is.
no subject
sometimes there arent right decisions
sometimes theres just decisions
what we did to Faerun
it wasnt right
it was never right
but we made the choice in order to buy time against the hunger
and we were able to keep it safe from it until we came up with a better plan
it wasnt perfect
i still
i had a lot of time to think abt it
but at the time it was the only choice we could make
doesnt mean it was right tho
no subject
We had a better plan.
[ Lup hadn't wanted to listen to her then, either. ]
no subject
lucretia.
dont go there.
ive lived through this. u havent.
no subject
[ This is the gods. It has to be. It's Fear and Rage and - and fucking Paranoia influcing them, making them do this to each other.
But somehow she can't seem to stop. ]
I spent ten years trying to clean up that mess, Lup.
If you'd all just listened in the first place.
no subject
news flash
your plan didnt fucking work!!
just like barry and i fucking told u before
we knew what we were talking about lucretia
we spent a hundred years studying the goddamn hunger
cutting off the bonds between worlds would have killed us all before the relics ever did
1/2
You aren't the only one who spent a hundred years studying the Hunger, Lup! I was working on my shield for decades before you even started thinking about yours. And then you wouldn't even listen. No one would listen. You and Barry swooped in and how many people died because of it?
But hey, at least they got to die being who they were. So I guess it's okay, right?
[ That's too mean. It's too much, and she knows it, regretting the words as soon as she hits Send. Lucretia throws her phone down on the table, turning her head away and squeezing her eyes shut. ]
2/2
And my plan did work. You told me yourself. We won, remember?
no subject
It's how she's come to forgive so much more easily than her twin. It's how she was able to meet Lucretia after twelve years apart with open arms, not a single hurt held against the other woman.
But this time it's different. Lucretia comes at her with that, with the guilt of the deaths that drove Lup away in the first place, and for once her anger isn't like fire. It's like a chill, numbing down her spine, down her arms and legs, all the way up to the tips of her ears.]
yeah we did win
but it wasnt ur plan
it was taakos
no subject
What are you talking about?
no subject
shielding the world would have killed us all
cut us off completely
but taako came up with putting ur shield around the hunger instead
thats how we won
no subject
She'd never considered there might be another way. She'd always been so certain her plan would work, no matter what everyone else always said. When Lup had revealed that they'd beaten the Hunger, it had only reinforced her belief that she's always been right. About that, at least. And now that's gone, too.
Putting her shield around the Hunger. Isolating the enemy, instead of themselves.
She never would have thought of that. ]
And that
It worked?
no subject
and it never even once occurred to any of us
no subject
Maybe if she'd shared her idea sooner, instead of working on it alone and in secret for decades. Maybe if they'd all worked together to come up with a plan, rather than just pitting one against the other. ]
I didn't know.
He never
He didn't tell me.
[ It would have been so easy for Taako to throw that in her face, the moment she'd arrived here. You didn't save anything, Lucretia. It was my plan that saved us all.
But he hadn't. ]
no subject
[it would have been so easy, maybe even justified to throw that in lucretia's face, but even in his hurt, taako has never been one for cruelness. and that would have been terrible.]
humilitys just part of his whole brand
no subject
Lup
[ And then she just stops. She doesn't know what to say. She just knows that she's tired, and she hates this.]
no subject
of course there's truth there. lup knows they fucked up, knows she personally caused the deaths of so many innocent people. but to have that thrown in her face by someone she trusts and loves so completely? she just needs to backtrack a little before she explodes.]
angos calling for me gotta run
no subject
It feels cliche and pathetic to go off and crawl back into bed, cry herself right back to sleep mid-morning with all the curtains drawn. But Lucretia's so miserable, she doesn't even care. ]