[Useless is a word that comes up far too often in Hadriel. Lup's never felt quite as powerless as she does in this place, not when the gods can manipulate them and twist their emotions with so much ease. No strength of will can stop them. They've simply just had to adjust how they lived in this place, learned to forgive transgressions and attempt to make peace that they weren't always in charge of their own actions.
It still burns through Lup. It's the only thing that keeps Hadriel from being a place she'd want to stay. From becoming the home she never had.]
I know, hun. And it sucks. It's the fuckin' worst, you don't have to tell me. If Koko and I had our way, we'd boot out all of those liches an' take over for 'em. We'd do a hell of a lot better job.
[Her free hand slips down to rest over his own. A silent show of comfort. What can she even say? What the two of them had to go through was awful. Even a ten year imprisonment can't really compete with that.]
[ Is that true, though? Even in charge, and let's say with more power, would they know how to work the Door? To keep people here who wanted to stay, and send home the ones that didn't? Drake doesn't believe the gods are dragging unwilling people by choice or forcing them home against it, they seem pretty clueless how it works too. Maybe, in charge, Lup and Taako could figure out more? He doesn't know. But it feels futile to think about.
He spreads his fingers a little so Lup's can slip between his, then knits them together in a loose grip.
Talk about running the city and figuring out the door is too big for his current mindset, the loss of his friends and lovers too raw a wound to poke at right now. Maybe someday they'll figure this shit out but it's too far off so he focuses on something simpler, something even more personal. ]
You think you guys could ever cure me, Lup? Love said I should talk to Hope about it, about doing something like he did for you when you came back without a body. But there's been so much other shit going on he needs power for, and I don't know if I even trust it to go right...
[The hand running through Drake's hair freezes completely, both of her long ears jerking upwards, eyebrows arched up in surprise beneath her bangs. Whatever Lup had been expecting to hear, wherever this conversation was drifting towards, nothing could have ever prepared her for that question.]
You should.
[The words come out in a soft, breathless whisper before her fingers are curling around his, twisting tenderly into his hair. For a woman who loves to make jokes about the pair of them being dead, how flippant she is regarding her own mortality or the state of her soul, the idea of Drake being alive and well and safe is enough to back up the confidence lingering in those two words. It's just not something she'd ever considered, asking the gods to bring him back to life. But now that he's planted it in her mind, he has to know she's going to grab for it.]
I mean, duh, if Taako an' I were in charge, we'd figure out how to fix you up. Easy. [Her fingertip gives a quick tap against his temple.] But I don't think you should wait for me. We can go to Hope and get that shit taken care of. He owes it to us. To you. After everything they've taken away, they friggin' owe you this.
[ Lup sounds so certain, now that he's suggested it. Drake doesn't share that feeling, isn't sure it's the best idea. Not with the way things are... even considering the time he starved and could have endangered everyone, there have been a dozen other times when his zombie nature was the only thing that kept him from dying here. He turns his head, looking up at Lup. So he can see her face. ]
You think? I'd be... way less useful. Zombies can take a ton of damage and get back up. Like this, I can protect people. I wasn't going to ask until we had the option to leave, and then I'd need to be human to go anywhere else.
[There's certainly a hint of that usual tease to the woman's tone, but the look she aims his way, the slight narrowing of her eyes should at least convey how serious she is. Drake may label himself as a protector, as someone who puts the needs of others before his own, but he's already given up so much the last year in Hadriel for the people here.
Why shouldn't he get to have something he wants for once?]
If you're worried about dying, I'll keep you safe, but don't devalue yourself as just a big, strong guy whose only talent is taking a hit. You're fuckin' smart, you nerd. And your heart is like way too big to be real. You gotta be selfish sometimes. You're allowed to want a thing and to actually take it. Don't deny yourself if this is what you really want.
[ Somehow, this shift in conversation is more intense than how it started, and it started dark. Drake just lies there a moment longer, studying Lup's expression in the half-light from the moon shining outside his window. She is serious. It's not like it's a novel concept or anything -- Lup certainly isn't the first person to care about him and it's not like he considers himself expendable quite like she's describing. But thinking about it now, he does kind of have a history of jumping in front of the gun for other people, literally and figuratively. It's how he got turned, it's how he died, and it's how he's gotten fucked up so many times here. And not being able to do it in the future is why he's hesitating on this despite it being something that, yeah, he does want.
He wouldn't have said it was "denying himself" if Lup hadn't, since he's always gone for what he wanted. But there were priorities at play. And maybe... he's been putting others before himself for too long now? It's something to think about, anyway. Whether or not it should change, since as much as he wants to be human again he also wants to be able to keep protecting people.
The silence stretches a little too long while he processes this, until he pushes himself up from Lup's lap and wraps her in a tight hug. ]
I'll think about it a little more. I'm not sure what's more important to me right now.
[Sometimes you just gotta have some dark, super intense conversations with your bestie. It happens.]
Fair. I'm not gonna bully you either way - [Oh absolutely yes she will. Just not if he chooses correctly.] So I guess you have time to suss out all the deets.
[Drake untangles himself from her so that he can sit up and drag Lup into a tight hug instead, the elf slipping into his embrace without pause, like she knew it was coming. Lup's arms wrap loosely around the man's neck, letting him hold her close as long as he needs. They're both physically affectionate people and they've been close like this for nearly a year, so this kind of dance isn't anything new. When she's been hurt, he's been there for her. And when he's hurting, her for him. There's no questioning it any longer. It's just what they do. It's what feels right.
Still, it wouldn't be Lup without a little tough love. Even while they hug, she draws back a hand just to give him a playful punch to the shoulder.]
Not that I don't dig the whole undead look, but think of all the spellslots I'd be saving if you weren't zombiefied. [pulling herself close to him again, her head bumps purposefully against his, an affectionate touch.] Don't just brush it off, alright?
[ That gets a little huff of disbelief, because he knows full well she's totally gonna bully him at least a little. But she'll let him think about it on his own first, and he knows that whatever he decides Lup will stand by him, so. Drake relaxes a little into the hug, until she pulls back and punches him lightly. ]
It's one tiny spell, not even weekly. You totally weren't using it anyway... wait, can you like. Bank your magic somehow? Like money you don't spend?
[ It's only half a joke, and he lets his head rest against hers for the moment as he addresses that last. ]
[Lup absolutely sticks out a tongue at his rebuttal, but in the end, she gets the answer that she so needs from him. It isn't a promise to follow through or even a few soft, reassuring words that he'd ask around about it. But Drake isn't going to just push the possibility aside and completely forget about it, so Lup'll take that as a small victory.
She leans in to bump her forehead to his, affectionate and sweet, the same way Ephemera used to do for her, before flicking Drake's nose and giggling.]
[ Drake smiles at Lup, a little sadly, because yeah. They picked up the forehead bump from the same person. It was something to do with how they'd communicate in armor, apparently? He remembers the first time Ephemera did it to him, how he'd been sort of confused what it meant.
Then she flicks his nose and shakes him from those thoughts, the echoes of something like grief for his missing partner. Be here, he reminds himself. ]
You're the best friend a monster could have, y'know that?
[It's exactly the reaction she was hoping for. It may not fix things, but getting Drake to drag himself from his darker thoughts is the very best she can hope for.]
Am monster. Can confirm. I am the very best there is.
[And look, she loves this doofus, so it's only natural for her to peck a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. It's the same comfort she'd give to Barry or Taako or Angus. Drake is basically on that same level, alright.]
[ Every now and then -- not often, because although his compliments are genuine he's never actually been looking for their flirting to go anywhere -- Drake finds himself thinking about Lup in ways he probably shouldn't. And wonders if maybe he should curb how familiar they are, how suggestive sometimes, because they're just friends but every now and then he's struck very hard with the urge to kiss her.
Now is one of those times.
He hasn't changed his manner mostly because those aren't the moments that catch him off guard. It's times like right now, when she's being exactly what he needs exactly when he needs it, that he has to catch himself. Because even if it isn't loneliness coloring their interactions, he's been down this road already and it was real rough. Drake's lucky it ended as well as it did for him last time, honestly. That he didn't lose everyone involved in that scenario. And if it is just loneliness, it'd be a huge mistake. Lup isn't Rita or Tucker, he loves her too much to screw shit up by making it complicated. She's also married, a relationship he personally had a hand in repairing, even. So. Off the table in every possible sense. But still, once in a blue moon... he has to make a point to remind himself of all that.
Snap out of it, man. Quietly, Drake reaches up and touches Lup's cheek, all grateful affection... before turning it into a nose flick for her as well. Hoping his tension isn't too obvious. ]
[Even if Lup knew about those particular urges, she couldn't really blame Drake for seeking out that level of comfort with someone he's so close to, especially after all of the loss in his life as of lately. Through it all, Lup's been one of the constants in his life here, one of the few people in this place who hasn't totally disappeared or left him behind.
She's also, y'know, smoking hot, so hard to blame a guy for having eyes.
Either way, however Drake is feeling, it's clear his control over his emotions is enough to keep from clueing Lup on into his little urge. She just laughs, the sound high-pitched and infectious as always, before she's affectionately smacking a palm to his chest and finally pushing away to stand up.]
And I am so not complaining about it. C'mon, handsome. Want a drink? No better cure for the sads than to get fuckin' trashed with your hottest friend.
[Lup's too faithful to her husband to ever stray, but look. That occasional feeling of wanting to kiss your hot best friend? Total mutual.]
[ It's better this way, that she doesn't realize, because he's certainly not planning to say anything. Lup moves away and the moment of danger passes, even if the desire lingers. He's good, though, they're fine.
The offer of another drink has him scrunching his face up as he considers. ]
I was already pretty trashed earlier. But that was miserable drunk, this would be fun drunk.... fuck it. Sure.
[ Yolo, or whatever. Drake pushes himself up too, this time actually going over to the dresser to cover up a little. ]
[Go ahead and get dressed, Drake. Lup will just perched there at the doorway, grinning while she watches from her casual lean against the doorframe.]
Drinking with me is always the fun kinda drunk. And hell yeah, son! You know I can't pass up a good drinking game. What're you thinking? Wanna go old school truth or dare on me?
Truth or dare or drink? Might take us awhile to get properly drunk.
[ Since neither of them are really the type to back down. But he's up for it. His go to is never have I ever because it's a little safer, but. It's Lup. He nods, pulling a t-shirt over his head and moving to meet her at the door. ]
[Lup bumps her hip against his before slipping out into the living room, already moving to make her comfortable on the floor. This is a floor game. They will play this on the floor.]
[ Drake grins at Lup as he returns from the kitchen with a bottle of something clear and mild, he's not certain what it's supposed to be. Alien rum, maybe, it's vaguely sweet? But pretty strong.
He settles on the floor facing her, putting down two glasses and pouring some alcohol into each, then bending one knee up to rest his arm on it. ]
What does that even mean here? It's not a game you can "win," but. Truth or dare.
...that's the worst you can do? Pshhh. Call it when you've seen enough, I guess.
[ Or he'll just stop when he gets bored with it -- he's not certain what the appeal is, either, but sure. She obviously wants a show, so he'll try to make it seem real. How he'd kiss if it were actually a person, which as Lup will figure out pretty quickly is thoroughly. ]
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[ He reaches up to scrub at his face again, then drops his hand to Lup's leg beneath his cheek. ]
Nobody deserves to die like me and Rita did, Lup. As lab rats.
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It still burns through Lup. It's the only thing that keeps Hadriel from being a place she'd want to stay. From becoming the home she never had.]
I know, hun. And it sucks. It's the fuckin' worst, you don't have to tell me. If Koko and I had our way, we'd boot out all of those liches an' take over for 'em. We'd do a hell of a lot better job.
[Her free hand slips down to rest over his own. A silent show of comfort. What can she even say? What the two of them had to go through was awful. Even a ten year imprisonment can't really compete with that.]
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He spreads his fingers a little so Lup's can slip between his, then knits them together in a loose grip.
Talk about running the city and figuring out the door is too big for his current mindset, the loss of his friends and lovers too raw a wound to poke at right now. Maybe someday they'll figure this shit out but it's too far off so he focuses on something simpler, something even more personal. ]
You think you guys could ever cure me, Lup? Love said I should talk to Hope about it, about doing something like he did for you when you came back without a body. But there's been so much other shit going on he needs power for, and I don't know if I even trust it to go right...
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You should.
[The words come out in a soft, breathless whisper before her fingers are curling around his, twisting tenderly into his hair. For a woman who loves to make jokes about the pair of them being dead, how flippant she is regarding her own mortality or the state of her soul, the idea of Drake being alive and well and safe is enough to back up the confidence lingering in those two words. It's just not something she'd ever considered, asking the gods to bring him back to life. But now that he's planted it in her mind, he has to know she's going to grab for it.]
I mean, duh, if Taako an' I were in charge, we'd figure out how to fix you up. Easy. [Her fingertip gives a quick tap against his temple.] But I don't think you should wait for me. We can go to Hope and get that shit taken care of. He owes it to us. To you. After everything they've taken away, they friggin' owe you this.
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You think? I'd be... way less useful. Zombies can take a ton of damage and get back up. Like this, I can protect people. I wasn't going to ask until we had the option to leave, and then I'd need to be human to go anywhere else.
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[There's certainly a hint of that usual tease to the woman's tone, but the look she aims his way, the slight narrowing of her eyes should at least convey how serious she is. Drake may label himself as a protector, as someone who puts the needs of others before his own, but he's already given up so much the last year in Hadriel for the people here.
Why shouldn't he get to have something he wants for once?]
If you're worried about dying, I'll keep you safe, but don't devalue yourself as just a big, strong guy whose only talent is taking a hit. You're fuckin' smart, you nerd. And your heart is like way too big to be real. You gotta be selfish sometimes. You're allowed to want a thing and to actually take it. Don't deny yourself if this is what you really want.
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He wouldn't have said it was "denying himself" if Lup hadn't, since he's always gone for what he wanted. But there were priorities at play. And maybe... he's been putting others before himself for too long now? It's something to think about, anyway. Whether or not it should change, since as much as he wants to be human again he also wants to be able to keep protecting people.
The silence stretches a little too long while he processes this, until he pushes himself up from Lup's lap and wraps her in a tight hug. ]
I'll think about it a little more. I'm not sure what's more important to me right now.
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Fair. I'm not gonna bully you either way - [Oh absolutely yes she will. Just not if he chooses correctly.] So I guess you have time to suss out all the deets.
[Drake untangles himself from her so that he can sit up and drag Lup into a tight hug instead, the elf slipping into his embrace without pause, like she knew it was coming. Lup's arms wrap loosely around the man's neck, letting him hold her close as long as he needs. They're both physically affectionate people and they've been close like this for nearly a year, so this kind of dance isn't anything new. When she's been hurt, he's been there for her. And when he's hurting, her for him. There's no questioning it any longer. It's just what they do. It's what feels right.
Still, it wouldn't be Lup without a little tough love. Even while they hug, she draws back a hand just to give him a playful punch to the shoulder.]
Not that I don't dig the whole undead look, but think of all the spellslots I'd be saving if you weren't zombiefied. [pulling herself close to him again, her head bumps purposefully against his, an affectionate touch.] Don't just brush it off, alright?
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It's one tiny spell, not even weekly. You totally weren't using it anyway... wait, can you like. Bank your magic somehow? Like money you don't spend?
[ It's only half a joke, and he lets his head rest against hers for the moment as he addresses that last. ]
...I won't. Promise.
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She leans in to bump her forehead to his, affectionate and sweet, the same way Ephemera used to do for her, before flicking Drake's nose and giggling.]
It's all I ask, big guy. That's all I'm asking.
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Then she flicks his nose and shakes him from those thoughts, the echoes of something like grief for his missing partner. Be here, he reminds himself. ]
You're the best friend a monster could have, y'know that?
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Am monster. Can confirm. I am the very best there is.
[And look, she loves this doofus, so it's only natural for her to peck a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. It's the same comfort she'd give to Barry or Taako or Angus. Drake is basically on that same level, alright.]
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Now is one of those times.
He hasn't changed his manner mostly because those aren't the moments that catch him off guard. It's times like right now, when she's being exactly what he needs exactly when he needs it, that he has to catch himself. Because even if it isn't loneliness coloring their interactions, he's been down this road already and it was real rough. Drake's lucky it ended as well as it did for him last time, honestly. That he didn't lose everyone involved in that scenario. And if it is just loneliness, it'd be a huge mistake. Lup isn't Rita or Tucker, he loves her too much to screw shit up by making it complicated. She's also married, a relationship he personally had a hand in repairing, even. So. Off the table in every possible sense. But still, once in a blue moon... he has to make a point to remind himself of all that.
Snap out of it, man. Quietly, Drake reaches up and touches Lup's cheek, all grateful affection... before turning it into a nose flick for her as well. Hoping his tension isn't too obvious. ]
I think I feed your ego too much.
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She's also, y'know, smoking hot, so hard to blame a guy for having eyes.
Either way, however Drake is feeling, it's clear his control over his emotions is enough to keep from clueing Lup on into his little urge. She just laughs, the sound high-pitched and infectious as always, before she's affectionately smacking a palm to his chest and finally pushing away to stand up.]
And I am so not complaining about it. C'mon, handsome. Want a drink? No better cure for the sads than to get fuckin' trashed with your hottest friend.
[Lup's too faithful to her husband to ever stray, but look. That occasional feeling of wanting to kiss your hot best friend? Total mutual.]
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The offer of another drink has him scrunching his face up as he considers. ]
I was already pretty trashed earlier. But that was miserable drunk, this would be fun drunk.... fuck it. Sure.
[ Yolo, or whatever. Drake pushes himself up too, this time actually going over to the dresser to cover up a little. ]
Are we playing a game?
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Drinking with me is always the fun kinda drunk. And hell yeah, son! You know I can't pass up a good drinking game. What're you thinking? Wanna go old school truth or dare on me?
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[ Since neither of them are really the type to back down. But he's up for it. His go to is never have I ever because it's a little safer, but. It's Lup. He nods, pulling a t-shirt over his head and moving to meet her at the door. ]
Let me grab a bottle.
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Prepare to get smoked!
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He settles on the floor facing her, putting down two glasses and pouring some alcohol into each, then bending one knee up to rest his arm on it. ]
What does that even mean here? It's not a game you can "win," but. Truth or dare.
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[If she says it with enough confidence, it must be true, right?]
Truth. Hit me hard.
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[ Maybe let's start on medium. ]
Tell me something seriously embarrassing.
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[A medium that she will take to an easy. Gotta be more specific, Drakey.]
First time Taako sucked dick, he was totally unprepared and ended up throwing up on the dude. A total classic. Your turn. Truth or dare?
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[ Also, gross. He's kinda glad that didn't happen to him because ugh. It didn't go great, but. ]
Dare.
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Make out with your hand. Real nice an' slow.
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[ Or he'll just stop when he gets bored with it -- he's not certain what the appeal is, either, but sure. She obviously wants a show, so he'll try to make it seem real. How he'd kiss if it were actually a person, which as Lup will figure out pretty quickly is thoroughly. ]
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