[Malkus can stay in audio only for as long as he likes, but Lup prefers to be seen. Especially as of late.
The woman is laying on her bed, phone held up above while she snaps pictures when his call comes in. She presses accept without bothering to sit up or adjust the angle he's forced into seeing.]
Oh! Well that's my luck then! I wouldn't fathom that you do, but do you know a Doctor Marian Tenebris by any chance? I've got another request, but that can come second.
[Lup's expression drops for the briefest of seconds. She's just so caught off guard when her jokes go over Malkus' head and he just takes her word as true. That's not a very common thing in Lup's life.
Thankfully, it's fast enough that he could blink and miss it, Lup rolling over onto her stomach, palm in hand while they spoke.] Sure do. We're pals. [They are not.] Why?
[ That'll just have to be a lesson for later, Lup. Malkus had his own brand of humor! He enjoyed things like puns and gentle jokes about nice things. Wait-
Wait what? ]
You are? Are you sure? Doctor Marian. She has lighter hair and a charming glare. Large box type of thing on her back?
[ He actually wasn't completely sure what the hell that thing was. It just seemed a little awkward to ask at this point. ]
No! Well probably. She's always kind of like that, I've gathered. I wanted to ask if you knew ah-... How on earth do I phrase this...
[ He was silent, but the sounds of his mouth opening and closing could be heard. Pop pop pop. ]
She is filled with a disdain that can hardly be healthy for her humors. Right? I understand this place is hell, but stress can put one into an early grave! Ugh what was I going to- Okay.
[ He cut his rambling off for a moment and held his hands against his mask. ]
Do you know if she likes... anything? Like insects or pieces of bones. Or, I don't know, bits of broken glass?
[ Was it obvious that Malkus was looking around his apartment for examples? The crunch of broken glass might have sealed it. ]
[Oh. Oh. So he really did need some girl advice. Well, even not knowing Marian very well, Malkus made the right choice in coming to Lup.
Probably.
Laying out on her stomach, her chin propped up on her palm, Lup shoots the man a curling grin that reads far too deviously to be anything good.] You're looking for a nice gift, hm? Well, you're def thinking too small. Marian doesn't seem like much of a material-lovin' type of person. [unlike Lup] I think getting her a bunch of crummy knick knacks wouldn't hold too much value for her.
What you really need to do is think outside of the box.
[ Of course Marian wasn't the materialistic sort, right Lup? That'd leave the remainder of Malkus' graverobbed jewelry all to yourself! But the doctor wasn't very wise, at times. So you've got the man's ear entirely. ]
Outside of the box... [ That metal backpack box? ]
Alright, I'll- I will give it a go. Let's see. Hm. Hmmm.
[ He sounded like he was audibly thinking. Very hard. Almost comically so. If Lup imagined the doctor hunched with his fist curled against his chin, she wouldn't be far off. ]
Hmmmm. I need something that is not material. All of her interests so far have been door related. Er not any door mind you, I mean the door. Oh I hate giving gifts! Honestly! This is so difficult! Why can't she like dead things like normal people!
[Oh, she can definitely picture it. It's likely something Lup's already seen at least a dozen times from him. If not in Hadriel, back in the fake memories from Pleasant Valley.]
Yeah, no, I'm vetoing that idea immediately. Girls don't want dead things as gifts. You understand that, don't you? [Probably not.]
Okay, so let's axe the door thinking too. There's no way to work that into a tangible gift that doesn't involve us accidentally setting something off and flooding this place with monsters. What else do you got?
Well... I think she likes... lanterns? Or something- well the reason I say is because when I visited her dwelling the one time I was nearly rendered blind with how illuminated she keeps the place.
[ He'd never commented on it, but it seemed to be a thing. ]
So maybe she likes lights? That can be more tangible, right? That sounds stupid. Well. I feel if I were to just ask her, she would say something complicated and technological. Or call me primitive or something along those lines.
[Well, if nothing else, at least Malkus has gotten a grin out of Lup at the idea of Marian screaming at him, primitive being the kindest of the insults that pops into her mind.] We're definitely talking about the same Marian.
Alright so, that's your third awful idea in a row. You are done. No more suggestions from you. You lost that right. Let Lup have a go at this. [The elf takes a minute, to let her eyes glide across the mess that was her room for inspiration on just what their mutual friend may like.]
Why not dropkick the whole concept of giving her something in the first place? Maybe you should do something for her. Like, show her how much you can benchpress or let yourself get beat up enough so that she can get a good laugh over it.
What! That one wasn't that bad! I could make a lantern! People used to make them decorative and whatnot!
[ Malkus huffed and sounded genuinely perturbed by her straight dismissal of his idea. But maybe that was what he needed, he thought? Maybe his absolute confidence in that idea would have been his downfall. He let Lup take the stage and almost immediately regretted it. ]
Would... that... make her happy?
[ Getting beat up? Malkus wasn't sure what benchpressing was, but it sounded physical. The doctor was strong. Deceptively so. But it only seemed to appear during fight or flight moments. This seemed like it was starting to drift away from his original intentions. ]
Do women enjoy watching... plague doctors get beat up? What is that first thing you said? Bench pressing. What is that.
Well, it would make me happy and I'm a pretty good barometer for what other girls like. [Untrue. Very much untrue.]
Benchpressing is... [Lup's eyes narrow slightly, taking in the doctor's physical appearance through the tiny device, even if most of his body was offscreen. She knew he was lanky and thin-ish beneath his robes. Maybe she should give some suggestions for things Malkus could actually do.] Y'know what, scratch that. What about dancing? Got any sweet moves you can woo her with? Basically all you have to do is throw in a few nae naes and some dabbing and boom! Insta-lady killer.
I-Is it not a little... cruel?! B-But- maybe I have much to learn about women. So- I will have to write that one down. Women like seeing men in peril.
[ Malkus seemed to wiggle to try and limber up onscreen. He wasn't planning to dance by any means, but the thought made him want to loosen up. Dance. Dance. He'd waltz'd once! But he... He did not do much else. ]
I can do a jig? A little ditty. I'm not- nay, I am unfamiliar with a dab. But I can learn! I can learn to do those!
[ He moved back and did a very old dance for the camera. ]
[It's just a fact of life, Malkus. Get used to it. Women love seeing men in pain.
Lup's smile goes wide as the awkward man stretches and bounces around on the screen of her phone, the elf finally shifting up into a sitting position so she could dangle her legs off of the bed. Malkus view goes a little frantic for a second, as Lup jumps from her airborne bed to the floor, but then she whips the phone right back in front of her face, still smiling.]
Not bad. It's kind of a start. But yeah, I could teach you a few moves. Could be amusing to see you try them out.
[The elf is moving through her apartment, stepping into the living room where there's a sudden flurry of excited barking in front of her, the sound of something very heavy bounding across the floor. Lup snaps at the unseen animal, a quick, sharp word in Elvish, before the noise stops and she grins at Malkus again.]
Let's meet up and we'll see what you can do. Bee-tee-dubs, you'll totally owe me for this, but I'll cash in another day.
Bee too bub, you have a dog? Where did you find a sane animal in this realm! Can I see!
[ Malkus excitedly peered into the feed as he gathered up some of his usual things for an outing. Flask. Bit of ration wrapped up in an old wrapper. Cleaver. ]
If your otherworldly dance inspires Marian to good humors, I will be in your debt for quite some time! I cannot wait to see the ethereal nature of an elvish dance.
[Without a word, though there's definitely a flash of a smirk on her face, Lup turns her phone around to zoom in on a muzzle that does not at all belong to a dog. Malkus is treated to a curious varren nose pressing up against the screen before it shifts it's head to show off it's teeth, then tries to snap up Lup's phone. She pulls it away just barely, before reaching over to give Peanut a quick pat on the head.]
Not sure if sane applies, but we found her in the caves. She's still a little...bitey, but she's getting better.
Why would you keep a demon in your home, that creature will eviscerate you whilst you sleep and feed on your essence. But we can meet outside of the shops if you'd like. I'm nearby anyway.
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Video;
The woman is laying on her bed, phone held up above while she snaps pictures when his call comes in. She presses accept without bothering to sit up or adjust the angle he's forced into seeing.]
Sup, birdman. How's tricks?
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Well I hope I am not interrupting anything. I have some questions and requests if you have the time!
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Thankfully, it's fast enough that he could blink and miss it, Lup rolling over onto her stomach, palm in hand while they spoke.] Sure do. We're pals. [They are not.] Why?
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Wait what? ]
You are? Are you sure? Doctor Marian. She has lighter hair and a charming glare. Large box type of thing on her back?
[ He actually wasn't completely sure what the hell that thing was. It just seemed a little awkward to ask at this point. ]
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[She couldn't have made it any clearer than she already had.]
Why? Did you piss her off? Need some girl advice?
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[ He was silent, but the sounds of his mouth opening and closing could be heard. Pop pop pop. ]
She is filled with a disdain that can hardly be healthy for her humors. Right? I understand this place is hell, but stress can put one into an early grave! Ugh what was I going to- Okay.
[ He cut his rambling off for a moment and held his hands against his mask. ]
Do you know if she likes... anything? Like insects or pieces of bones. Or, I don't know, bits of broken glass?
[ Was it obvious that Malkus was looking around his apartment for examples? The crunch of broken glass might have sealed it. ]
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Probably.
Laying out on her stomach, her chin propped up on her palm, Lup shoots the man a curling grin that reads far too deviously to be anything good.] You're looking for a nice gift, hm? Well, you're def thinking too small. Marian doesn't seem like much of a material-lovin' type of person. [unlike Lup] I think getting her a bunch of crummy knick knacks wouldn't hold too much value for her.
What you really need to do is think outside of the box.
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Outside of the box... [ That metal backpack box? ]
Alright, I'll- I will give it a go. Let's see. Hm. Hmmm.
[ He sounded like he was audibly thinking. Very hard. Almost comically so. If Lup imagined the doctor hunched with his fist curled against his chin, she wouldn't be far off. ]
Hmmmm. I need something that is not material. All of her interests so far have been door related. Er not any door mind you, I mean the door. Oh I hate giving gifts! Honestly! This is so difficult! Why can't she like dead things like normal people!
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Yeah, no, I'm vetoing that idea immediately. Girls don't want dead things as gifts. You understand that, don't you? [Probably not.]
Okay, so let's axe the door thinking too. There's no way to work that into a tangible gift that doesn't involve us accidentally setting something off and flooding this place with monsters. What else do you got?
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[ He'd never commented on it, but it seemed to be a thing. ]
So maybe she likes lights? That can be more tangible, right? That sounds stupid. Well. I feel if I were to just ask her, she would say something complicated and technological. Or call me primitive or something along those lines.
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Alright so, that's your third awful idea in a row. You are done. No more suggestions from you. You lost that right. Let Lup have a go at this. [The elf takes a minute, to let her eyes glide across the mess that was her room for inspiration on just what their mutual friend may like.]
Why not dropkick the whole concept of giving her something in the first place? Maybe you should do something for her. Like, show her how much you can benchpress or let yourself get beat up enough so that she can get a good laugh over it.
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[ Malkus huffed and sounded genuinely perturbed by her straight dismissal of his idea. But maybe that was what he needed, he thought? Maybe his absolute confidence in that idea would have been his downfall. He let Lup take the stage and almost immediately regretted it. ]
Would... that... make her happy?
[ Getting beat up? Malkus wasn't sure what benchpressing was, but it sounded physical. The doctor was strong. Deceptively so. But it only seemed to appear during fight or flight moments. This seemed like it was starting to drift away from his original intentions. ]
Do women enjoy watching... plague doctors get beat up? What is that first thing you said? Bench pressing. What is that.
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Benchpressing is... [Lup's eyes narrow slightly, taking in the doctor's physical appearance through the tiny device, even if most of his body was offscreen. She knew he was lanky and thin-ish beneath his robes. Maybe she should give some suggestions for things Malkus could actually do.] Y'know what, scratch that. What about dancing? Got any sweet moves you can woo her with? Basically all you have to do is throw in a few nae naes and some dabbing and boom! Insta-lady killer.
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[ Malkus seemed to wiggle to try and limber up onscreen. He wasn't planning to dance by any means, but the thought made him want to loosen up. Dance. Dance. He'd waltz'd once! But he... He did not do much else. ]
I can do a jig? A little ditty. I'm not- nay, I am unfamiliar with a dab. But I can learn! I can learn to do those!
[ He moved back and did a very old dance for the camera. ]
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Lup's smile goes wide as the awkward man stretches and bounces around on the screen of her phone, the elf finally shifting up into a sitting position so she could dangle her legs off of the bed. Malkus view goes a little frantic for a second, as Lup jumps from her airborne bed to the floor, but then she whips the phone right back in front of her face, still smiling.]
Not bad. It's kind of a start. But yeah, I could teach you a few moves. Could be amusing to see you try them out.
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Yes! Please, absolutely! I will absorb them into my knowledge like water!
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Let's meet up and we'll see what you can do. Bee-tee-dubs, you'll totally owe me for this, but I'll cash in another day.
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[ Malkus excitedly peered into the feed as he gathered up some of his usual things for an outing. Flask. Bit of ration wrapped up in an old wrapper. Cleaver. ]
If your otherworldly dance inspires Marian to good humors, I will be in your debt for quite some time! I cannot wait to see the ethereal nature of an elvish dance.
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Not sure if sane applies, but we found her in the caves. She's still a little...bitey, but she's getting better.
Where you wanna meet, my man?
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